i secretly know your secret.
About
Search
Following
-
Our life routine.
The first thing I saw every time I woke up in the morning was the white ceiling.
The second thing was your back, sleeping right next to me.
I would stare at it for fifteen minutes before I got out of the bed. Then I would prepare your working outfits, made a nice cup of coffee and some pancakes or toasts for your breakfast.
You would give me a light morning kiss after you dressed up. Then you would sit in front of tv or read a newspaper while having breakfast. I would be busy cleaning things and collecting dirty clothes to be washed.
And you would place another kiss before you left for the office with your beloved car.
That was our morning routine.
I spent most of my day at home, writing or making some illustrations or any freelance work. Sometimes I would go out to meet my clients or my friends. Sometimes I would go to random places to find inspirations or just for killing time. And sometimes I invited some of my good friends to visit me, but not too often. I was mostly on my own.
You would send me few texts, asking whether I already had my lunch or not. You would give me call telling me what time you would go home. Of course, I would do the same things to you.
That was my day routine.
By the time you arrived home, I would be preparing dinner for us. Or if I was too lazy, I would just order some pizza, thai or chinese food. You wouldn’t complain.
You would give another kiss after took a shower. Then we would have our dinner on the table together. You would tell me what you had been dealing with that day. Your office, your colleagues, your clients. I would give you some comments so that you know that I was giving attention to all your stories. And I would tell you my stories. Everything was always alright. Even if there was nothing much to tell, we just simply turned the tv on and watched it while eating.
You would help me wash the dishes and after that you would lay on the bed and started watching some movies on tv. I would do some more of my unfinished work or read some books before I finally joined you on the bed. You usually overslept while watching tv, but my insomnia would keep me awake for the next two or three hours.
On the weekend, we mostly spent our time at home. Acted as a lazy couple, doing nothing. Sometimes we would go out to watch movies at cinema, shopping for some groceries or had dinner together. Then we would go home.
I would always watch your back and thinking.
The last thing I saw before I really closed my eyes was the white ceiling.
And that was our daily life routine. We just kept repeating the same thing for most of our days.
I wouldn’t say that I wasn’t happy,
But somehow I felt empty.I wonder if you felt the same way too.
-
Our life routine.
Every time I woke up in the morning, the first thing I saw was the white ceiling.
And the second thing I saw was your back, sleeping right next to me.
I could stare at it for fifteen minutes before I finally got up of the bed. I would prepare your working outfits and then made a nice cup of coffee and some pancakes for your breakfast.
You would give a morning kiss after you dressed up. Then you would be sitting in front of tv while having your breakfast. And I would collect the used clothes to be washed.
Before you left for the office, you always gave me a kiss and there you went with your beloved car.
That was our morning daily routine.
I spent most of my days at home, writing or making some illustrations. Sometimes I would go out to meet some clients or friends. I would take a walk to random places when I felt like I wanted to. You would give me a call to tell me what time you were going home and sent few texts asking me whether I had my lunch or not. Of course, I would do the same thing like you did.
And that was my usual day routine.
By the time you arrived home, I would be preparing dinner for you. Another light kiss after you took a shower. And we would enjoy our meal together on the table. You would tell me what you had been dealing in the office, your colleagues, your clients and that stuff. I would listen to it and sometimes I gave a comment or two. Then I would also tell you my stories. Nothing much for every night. Everything was always alright.
You would help me wash the dishes, and after that you would lay on the bed and watch some movies on tv. Meanwhile, I would do my unfinished works or read some books before I joined you on the bed. You usually overslept while watching movies. And my insomnia usually kept me awake. So then I would watch another movie and just kept the tv on until the night was gone.
I always watched your back before I went to sleep.
And the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was the white ceiling too.
And that was our life routine. All we did were just repeating this same thing for most of our days.
I wouldn’t say that I wasn’t happy,
But somehow I felt empty.I wonder if you felt the same way too.
-
The spell.
I knew from the beginning that she already belonged to someone else, but please tell me how not to fall in love with her, it was rather impossible for me.
She was a spell that was put on me. I couldn’t escape from everything about her. The thoughts of her were always haunting me. When I looked through her brown eyes, I found my peace. She was my muse, my inspiration. She was magnificent. But, seeing her and having her around me everyday was a curse. A sweet painful curse.
“I think I am in like with you,” that was my confession.
Surprisingly, she said she liked me too. I thought I would die when I heard her, I was beyond my bliss. There I remember, she was putting another cruel curse. She said, “but you really shouldn’t like me in the first place, I don’t know if I can like you as much as you do. I don’t even know if I can be with you. I can’t give you assurance.”Everyday the spell was getting stronger as I felt that my feelings for her grew stronger too. I surrendered myself to her grace. I was falling to embrace. God, I love her and I didn’t care what was going on the future. All I cared about that she has feelings for me too and as long as I could see her and having her around me everyday that was enough.
I love her.
I was anxious at that time, while I was waiting for her at our favourite coffee shop downtown. He found out about us. But he said he wouldn’t let her go. And neither do I. That was why I told her to make a decision, stay with him or leave with me. I was ready to start everything over again in the new town and I could throw everything away just to be with her.
Five minutes to 5 pm but she still hadn’t come yet.
Fifteen minutes, an hour, two hours, three hours, I waited for her there. She didn’t come. She didn’t even say a word. I was left with so many questions. Was this her answer? Even if this was her answer, at least she could say good bye.
Later on that night, I got a phone call. It was from him, her lover. That was the last thing I expected to happen.
“She died, on a car accident in that junction 4 blocks from her place. He didn’t choose you or choose me. She died.”
I felt like I was hit by a lightning. I felt dead. But I needed to know only one thing.
“Was she about to turn left or turn right on that junction?”
“Her car was found crushed on the middle of the junction. Only God and her who knew which way she wanted to go.”
I just needed to know about it. If she was going to turn left in that junction, it would mean that she was going into my direction. If she was going to turn right, she was going into his direction.
It was sad, until the very end. I could never know her true feelings. I could never know if she was going on my direction to meet me. I never knew whether she was going to break the curse on me. The spell that was put on me was indeed a really cruel curse.
-
by mirjan
-
First love (never) dies.
When people asked me who my first love was, trust me, I didn’t know what to answer them. As the definition of the first love itself is unknown to me.
I wasn’t sure about my first love, but every time I thought about it, my mind was going in a flashback to my childhood.
I spent most of my every summer holiday until I’m 13 in my Grandma’s house in the countryside. It was a small and quiet town, but it was a really beautiful place. Grandma’s house was on the lake side, and the view was amazing, especially from Grandpa’s library on the third floor.
My summer holidays there were usually quiet. It wasn’t boring but I had nothing much to do. I was mostly the only grandchild who always went there on summer. Oh, and him.
He was probably in his mid teens when I first met him. I was probably 8 or 9. He was the cousin I rarely met.
He stole my favourite spot on the library, a couch attached to a huge window that had a view to the lake. He usually sat there with his one leg up in the couch and a book in his hand. The wind breeze that came in from the opened window gently stroke his golden hair. He and the lake view behind him was as perfect as a masterpiece painting. It was beyond words. Sometimes I wondered that he might catch a cold or got sick seeing him only wearing a white shirt. He looked so pale, fragile and lonely. But somehow, left a beautiful afterimage to me.
He would rarely say hello. We rarely talked to each other too. But I always found myself searching for him every summer. And I always found him in that favourite spot of him. He, sometimes, would read something loud so I could listen to him. Poem and poetry, most of them. I never understood any of them but he looked happy and sad at the same time while he was reading it.
The last summer I met him there, he finally said a word to me. With his gentle voice he asked me, “do you believe that first love never dies?”
I, Of course, wasn’t able to answer that question. I was 12, what did you expect me to answer.I was prepared to answer that question the next summer. But he wasn’t there. He passed away on the previous autumn, shortly after the last summer I met him.
Grandma told me that he had stayed there not only on summers but also all the time. He lived there, with grandma. He had a heart failure and weak lungs, that was why his parents sent him to live in the countryside, to have a better living environment. But he died, eventually.
But the rumour that was going on around the town was that he had committed suicide, jumped off from the library window and not because of his sickness. I never knew the truth of this rumour, frankly said.
When I went to the library and watched the place, he wasn’t there, definitely. And suddenly the image of him sitting there and slowly fell off the window came to my mind. I could imagine that he was smiling happily when he fell away.
And this image of his, never went away from my mind, ever.
“Do you believe that first love never dies?”
-
Good morning, K.
